By Paul Doyle
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COLE OF DUTY
Tonight Wembley will witness a resumption of Anglo-Irish international football relations, as the Republic O’Ireland and England meet for the first time since a 1995 friendly between the pair was abandoned when heroic English supporters demonstrated their determination to never surrender to the demands of basic human decency. Fearful, if only slightly, of a similar outbreak of cretinism tonight, the Football Association has written to English fans to plead with them to refrain from incendiary chanting, though it is not known whether they have also had a word with Giovanni O’Trapattoni, whose tactical intransigence has been known to incite extremely brutal swearing from exasperated Irish folk.
Apart from the symbolic importance of the encounter, the match could be of great value to both managers, with England providing like-for-like sparring partners for O’Ireland ahead of next week’s World Cup qualifier against the Faroe Islands, and Roy Hodgson getting a rare opportunity to familiarise his players with taking on opponents who remain straitjacketed to 4-4-2 crudeness even when getting totally outplayed in midfield, an exercise that could prove vital if England ever find themselves drawn in a World Cup group against their old selves.
O’Ireland will be captained by Robbie Keane, who told reporters at the pre-game press conference that on the evening of the sides’ last fateful meeting he was in the Lansdowne Road crowd with his grandchildren, while England will be led out by Ashley Cole, who will mark his 102nd cap by marking his 100th cap, because the FA is always on the ball.
“Ashley will do the coin toss,” confirmed Mr Roy, hopefully before advising the referee to ensure the coin is made of solid gold lest Cole start swerving off the pitch and accusing him of taking the pee.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE TONIGHT
Follow England 2-1 Republic O’Ireland with Sachin Nakrani’s MBM report from 7pm.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Good and good looking” – Australia’s candidate for a new woman’s place on the Fifa executive committee, Moya Dodd, gets the trademark description from Sepp Blatter.
FIVER LETTERS
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BITS AND BOBS
Bolton’s new sponsors are … QuickQuid. “Both parties wanted to develop a partnership that engaged with all elements of the football club and community, and as much as anything else, to bring some real fun to matchdays,” trilled chairman Phil Gartside, because nothing screams ‘matchday fun’ as much as pay-day loan companies.
Gareth Bale’s Mr 15% Jonathan Barnett – the very same Mr 15% who repeated the figure of £55k to Ashley Cole – has popped up on Marca TV to express his willingness to listen to an offer from Real Madrid for the Tottenham player. “If Florentino [Pérez, the Real president] is interested in Gareth Bale, it would be an honour,” cheered Barnett.
Liverpool are still keen on signing Schalke’s Kyriakos Papadopoulos after agreeing a deal to bring in Kolo Touré.
Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink is the new manager of Royal Antwerp. “The city’s history speaks for itself,” he parped.
Lazio’s Senad Lulic says fans have developed a foot fetish after he scored the Coppa Italia final winner against Roma. “The day after the game people would stop me in the street and kiss my right foot,” he said. “I really don’t deserve all the credit.”
And after denying Levski Sofia the Bulgarian title on the final day of the season, Slavia Sofia have revealed a novel reason for slimming down their squad. “One of our players was crying in the dressing room after Levski failed to win the title,” boomed president Ventseslav Stefanov. “No doubt, he will not be part of Slavia anymore.”
RECOMMENDED VIEWING
Robin van Persie and co give some unfortunate kids a freestyle skills schooling in Holland.
STILL WANT MORE?
Name the football ground from the aerial view in our you’re-not-supposed-to-use-Google-Maps-but-seriously-who-will-know quiz.
Buzz Killingt … sorry, Dominic Fifield offers a reality check to Crystal Palace fans after their promotion to the Premier League.
Has Roberto Martínez done enough to be Everton’s next manager? Andy Hunter weighs in, while Paul Wilson muses on the cutting-edge Merseyside design agency fiasco.
And how good was Sepp Blatter as a footballer? The Knowledge delves into its archives to find out and illustrates using one of our favourite photographs ever.
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